MAD FIGS Digest #4-3: 7/14/00

As the Septathalon draws nearer (only 2 weeks away!) many questions remain unanswered. How will the changes in the events affect the results? Will the new two-day schedule prove too grueling for some participants? Will the Incredible Guy, General Swift, Yohann, or William Wallace make appearances? Does the Animal still bowl like a woman? The only way to find out is to attend the Septathalon on July 28-29, 2000!

Added 1999 Septathalon photo gallery (look for complete 1999 results and extended coverage of the 2000 Septathalon by tomorrow!)


In June, the Incredible Guy left UCLA once again to continue his travels in Scotland. While the MAD FIGS already have a strong foothold in the nation's political and social systems, IG's visit will certainly help to improve our position. It remains unknown how long the mission will take, but hopefully it will be over by the time the Septathalon takes place.

Before leaving, the Incredible Guy and Scott Dogg made a last stand during UCLA's "scream night," crushing their foes from the apartments across the street using water balloons and hoses. After a resounding triumph, the brave warriors took a victory lap around UCLA's campus. Despite the outstanding sissyness displayed by the New Guy, the run was completed in record time. Fat Louie's UCLA Adventures will certainly continue again this fall.

One minor setback to the Septathalon is the possible absence of Scott Dogg during Friday's events. Because of a hectic work schedule (at the Boy Scout store in Redlands) he might not arrive in Fresno until late Friday evening. Still, Septathalon analysts project strong finishes for Scott Dogg in the six events on Saturday.

Many other rumors about the Septathalon have been circulating, but the MAD FIGS Digest refuses to publish any information that might not be accurate. Since most of you probably have much lower ethical standards, feel free to send any of your rumors, personal commentary, or boasts to

If you have any other questions, comments, or suggestions, send email to

Scott Dogg

Back to the MAD FIGS Digest Archive

Email the MAD FIGS