The Machine

While the BHS Track is one of the most powerful places of the MAD FIGS, there are certain dangers to be faced there. The greatest of these dangers is The Machine.

The Machine is a huge metallic beast used by the football team. When in season, football players use it to train by running into it and trying to push it around. But when stripped of its padding, it looks sinister, as if waiting to strike an unsuspecting victim. The MAD FIGS first realized the powers of The Machine during Track season. The first recorded use of The Machine was for "launching" people into the air. This is accomplished when several people grab the ends of The Machine and pull them down to the ground. Someone then stands on it, while everyone else pushes upwards as hard as possible. If done correctly, the person can fly as high as 7 feet into the air. Scott Dogg has been launched multiple times from The Machine, including the launch documented in The Physics Video.

At first, the Machine seemed harmless, even useful, to the MAD FIGS. But then things started to go wrong. During PE one day, Track Star Matt Romsa decided that he wanted to be launched from The Machine. Unfortunately, he was wearing shoes with very little traction, and walked around on the wet grass. Instead of flying through the air when launched, he fell 5 feet straight down, hurting his shoulder upon impact. From that day on, the MAD FIGS became more cautious of The Machine.

As the year progressed, The Machine became more and more menacing. When the Track flooded during the rainy winter season, a smaller Machine was sighted in the middle of one of the giant puddles. This "Loch Ness Machine" was very difficult to fight against, because it had the ability to submerge at random, and was protected by the water. Also, another small Machine, the "Baby Machine" appeared on the Track. Although this miniature version was easy to deal with, and even torment, the MAD FIGS were wary, for they knew that The Machine would be very protective of its kin.

In order to fight against The Machine, the MAD FIGS developed secret codes in order to launch sneak attacks. The first way to signal an attack was to say something like, "I can see something off on the HORIZON!" This was a signal to charge, and attempt to tackle, wrestle with, or otherwise injure The Machine. Later, a more formal code was developed. Someone would casually ask someone else, "What's your favorite number?", to which they would reply "Oh, maybe... 3?" Next, someone would be asked, and would reply, "I'd have to say... 2?" Finally, another would reply, "I've always liked... 1!" At this, the charge would be initiated. Although the MAD FIGS often sustained heavy injuries in these battles, they helped to distract The Machine's attention.

With the departure of the MAD FIGS from Bullard Track, The Machine reigns supreme. But without challenges, it may grow careless, and let its guard down. This will be the time the MAD FIGS strike, and rid the world of The Machine forever.

RELATED INFORMATION: The Machine's ear can be found in the middle of the BHS Track as well, disguised as the high jump platform. In order to prevent The Machine from eavesdropping on sensitive conversations, it is necessary to hit its ear while talking.

In a special 5-card commemorative series, the Flash documented "The Invasion of The Machines." The series was drawn on mana cards from "Magic: The Gathering", and is a valuable collector's item.

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