THE Mission [MAD FIGS Brick] - 8/96

Executed by M.A.D. F.I.G.S. (with G.S.) & A-ron, Mat, and Aaron Wadsworth

Background: The MAD FIGS parking brick had long been kept at Kristin Cahill's house, but when the time for her to leave for school came around, Ms. Cahill asked the MAD FIGS to get rid of it. Feeling that it would be inappropriate to just throw the brick away somewhere, the MAD FIGS developed a better plan... bury the brick on the Killer Hill, a feature of the Cross Country course at Woodward Park. That way the MAD FIGS would be represented on the course for all time, and their influence would bless all that ran by.

The day before the mission, the brick was carried from the road to the hill during the daytime and left next to a drinking fountain disguised as a stepping stone.

Mission Objectives: Enter Woodward Park undetected by security, find the brick, and bury it and a fig tree on the hill.

Planning: The Mission did not begin until very late at night. Scott Dogg got off work at about 10:00, and arrived at Paul's house wearing all black clothes bearing the label "MAD FIGS Strike Force". He found the other MAD FIGS making plans for the mission. Actually, he found General Swift and the Great Vinnardo in the swimming pool making funny noises, Jacob drawing up ridiculously complicated plans, and everyone else just sitting around waiting.

Equipment: As an additional part of the plan, Scott Dogg and the Animal found a baby Fig tree growing in Paul's yard and dug it up for transplantation to the park. Several flashlight were brought for light. Scott Dogg wore special "night vision glasses" (AKA sunglasses) and a cardboard New Year's Eve top hat. Two shovels were also brought to do all the digging required for the Mission.

Execution: Eventually, Jacob finished the plans and the teams moved out. Vinnardo and Matt drove their vehicles. Both cars met across the freeway from the park to synchronize watches and take photos. Once everything was ready, Matt moved his car into position on the opposite side of the park, and at a designated time, everyone went into motion.

Scott Dogg and the Animal were the first team to reach the top of the hill, despite Scott Dogg's repeated accidents (which involved falling down a lot) caused by his "night vision glasses". Eventually, all the teams reached the checkpoint. But Vinnardo and A-Ron brought distressing news - they had been pinned down by security and nearly captured! With this information in mind, it was decided that only a few would remain to complete the job, and the rest would leave the park and head for Matt's car immediately.

A-Ron, Scott Dogg, General Swift, and Melquiades remained to bury the brick. After carrying it partway down the hill to the burial site, General Swift and A-Ron began to dig, while Justin and Scott Dogg kept watch. Suddenly, a light appeared on the top of the hill... security! Simultaneously, Scott Dogg and General Swift exclaimed "Abort!" and everyone began to run away. But then, realizing his mistake, Scott Dogg turned back and retrieved the flashlight he had nearly left behind. The security guard did not attempt to follow them, but was probably confused at finding an uprooted fig tree, a cardboard top hat, and a parking brick in the middle of the hill.

Meanwhile, the MAD FIGS were running like they never had before. Unfortunately, they were headed directly away from Justin's car! Upon reaching the road at the edge of the park, they were reluctant to cross carrying shovels lest they be spotted and apprehended. Suddenly, a car zoomed around the corner and someone yelled at them! In a panic, the MAD FIGS raced across the street and hid in the bushes. Only later did they discover that they had not really been spotted, and it was actually Matt's car driving by, with the Incredible Guy shouting "MAD FIGS!" into the night.

After hiding the shovels in an empty field, the MAD FIGS began the long march back to the car. Knowing that security would be on the lookout in and around the park, they were forced to walk several miles though residential neighborhoods to get back. Unfortunately, while walking along they were spotted by residents, the neighborhood watch, and the police all at once. When confronted by officers of the law, Melquiades created a story about getting lost while playing capture the flag, and even asked the officers for a ride to the car! This was convincing enough to fool the cops, who went off looking for a group of people with gun who were reportedly also wandering through the area. The MAD FIGS finally reached the car, and returned home very late but safe.

Follow-up: The next day, Scott Dogg and Melquiades returned to pick up the shovels and return them to A-Ron. They also had other business to take care of that morning, but that's another story. Later, the Animal and the Incredible Guy returned to Woodward and finished burying the brick during the daytime. The current status of the brick is unknown [See The Super Quorum Mission].

Comments/Ratings:
Scott Dogg:"The largest undertaking ever attempted by the MAD FIGS. Although it was far from successful, it was all worthwhile." 10

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